by Ben
It was a sunny September day, and the small, spoiled mouse named Fred was calling his mom to get him some lemonade. Then a bluebird swooped down to the top of the house. It landed on the roof and was surprised to find Fred on a fold-out chair sipping ice cold lemonade from a straw and a mini blue umbrella in his plastic cup. The bluebird wobbled over to him and asked, "Who are you?" Fred was so scared he jumped and yelled, "Get off the roof!" The bluebird shook his head and said, "I am Billy Bob. I have heard that you are very greedy. I am here to help." Fred shouted, "I don't need your help! I like my life the way it is." Billy Bob calmly replied, "OK, I can arrange what must happen." Billy Bob got out a green ink pen and a note board and made a bullet list and filled them in quickly. He said, "Good day," and flew high and started toward the west where he nest was.
On September 24 they gathered in Bennyville for the task. Another bluebird named Sally was announcing the contest. Billy Bob and Fred were in the center of a dome, each with a partner in front of him. Sally turned on the microphone and said, "Today Billy Bob will try to teach Fred to be thankful and not greedy. Their job is to ask for drinks, and whoever's anwser is most polite will win."
The task began and Fred yelled "Get me some lemonade." When Billy Bob asked, "May you get me some pink lemonade?" but quickly stopped himself and said "I can get it myself and am sorry for bothering you." It went on like that until the bell rang and signaled the task over. The partners went to Sally and talked to her about how they liked and disliked their partners. Sally paused and said "The winner is... Billy Bob! This means that Fred will be sent to the bad habit breaking academy."
To see what happens next come back in January for the sequel!
Did you like the story?
Why or Why not?
If you write one email it to me at ben8753tt@gmail.com.
2 comments:
Dear Ben,
I thought your story was so cool. I liked it because the small greedy mouse learned a lesson to get his lemonade by himself.
I will write you and email right now after the comment of later.
(Great Post and Story)
Your friend and classmate,
Nick
Dear Ben,
I loved the story, and I will certainly be back in January to find out how Fred does at the Bad Habit Breaking Academy. Poor Fred, I hope he can learn to be more polite!
Of the many things I enjoyed about your story, one element really stands out-your attention to the details. Rather than saying Fred was sitting and drinking a cold beverage, you wrote, "...Fred on a fold-out chair sipping ice cold lemonade from a straw and a mini blue umbrella in his plastic cup." That kind of detail really helps a reader picture. Well-done Ben!
You are becoming an excellent writer!
Sincerely,
Mrs. Yollis
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